so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
