I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
