i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
