Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
