I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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