Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
