UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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