So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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