i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
