...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
