some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Are my feet made of real feet?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
