just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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