why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Dear god my vagina.
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