Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
