Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
bring money and cleavage
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize