I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
