Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
