and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
