I want to have your abortion
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
