My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How does it feel to date your dad?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
