Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
