Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize