Will you blow on my dice?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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