Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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