remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
