i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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