Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
