Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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