on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize