I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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