I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
