and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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