she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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