just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
