I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
