You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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