I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
