my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
