The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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