you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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