And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
