So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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