I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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