I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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