Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
well you can't waste a boner
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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