Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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