If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
