Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize