shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
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