I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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