We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
