will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
