Everything about him screamed your future.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
