he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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