SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
