Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
PANTIES FOUND
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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