The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
