either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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