He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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