mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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