no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Randomize
